Broke Or Just Cold Feet? What Do You Think Is Going On Here?
My fiance and I were planning a wedding for June of 2009. All of a sudden he found an apprentiseship he wanted to go to that would start August of 2009 where he would be working and going to school at the same time. I think it is great that he wants to do more with his life so I support him on this. The thing is I have two children from a previous marriage, and we don’t have thousands of extra dollars rolling around, but we aren’t totally broke either. He has also decided that when we move he wants to get new furniture, a bedroom set, a new large LCD tv, and other various new things for our new house. While I love that idea, he seems to think we can’t save money for both right now, and since the move is definately in August (they only accept people once a year) then he has decided he wants to push the wedding to June 2010. My problem is that he also brought up taking the kids to disney world in april of 2009, which will cost around 3000 (the wedding was only about 5500)
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Comments
If he wants a new tv more than he wants to get married, that should tell you his priorities. Tell him how you feel about it and if he doesn’t understand, then let him move by himself and find someone who appreciates you more than that!!!
He’s backing out of the engagement and looking for ways to spend the money so you can’t point out that you have it saved.
Hmmm, I think he sounds totally happy with living the shacked-up life. By not being married, his finances are his own, so he can buy what he wants – for the house and otherwise, and it’s actually a very good thing that he’s getting into an apprenticeship.
I’m more concerned that you have brought your kids into this, and that you aren’t being responsible financially for them yourself.
Doesn’t sound like he’s looking to get married. Not that he doesn’t like his current status….but married?? not lookin too good. If I were you, I would move the wedding up to June 2010 and not buy the TV, the bedroom set, and all the other things he’s looking forward to. If you can’t afford a wedding, then you can’t afford luxuries. I would do the Disney trip. Why should the kids suffer? They need some fun.
if he was trying to improve himself with the apprenticeship to help with the future. he wouldn’t be talking about all this spending.
it looks to me that he is looking for delaying tactics.
yes it may be cold feet.
i understand the new house, but the new furniture and tv, that sounds strange. as for the trip to Disney, that is stretching it a bit.
First and foremost — this guy doesn’t sound responsible enough to raise a family. His priorities shouldn’t be to get cool new “toys” and to take a trip to Disney World, but rather to focus on savings and a future for all of you. That being said — I’m sorry, but it sounds like he’s also a commitment-phobe. He can come up with excuse after excuse for why you can’t get married “yet” but the fact remains that it’s still just an excuse. Why don’t you try suggesting having a smaller, less expensive wedding for now and plan on a bigger affair at a time when you can afford it? See how he responds.
He might just be scared. If he was engaged 9 months before he met you then he might be having some cold-feet; not because of you, just about marriage in general.
You have to look at it from a different prespective. As a woman I know that I would be upset – but can you see how he would want to get new furniture, bedroom set, etc. and have nice things for your home rather then spend the money right now on just one day.
You need to sit down and have a talk with him about this or even think about going to counseling. Sounds like he has some issues that he isn’t dealing with. Or, maybe it’s nothing and he wants to just have nice things before he has a wedding. Either way, you guys need to talk. Communication is key to a good marriage.
Things will work out the way that they are supposed too – and, it’s nice that you have a man who likes your kids and wants to do nice things for them. If he was spending all that money on himself it might be different – but it sounds like he is trying to better everyone’s life.